Primal Hardwere: Neigh Sayer Dildo Review

~I received this product from Primal Hardwere for free in exchange for an honest review. This in no way, shape or form has any affect on my opinions on his product.~

As you may already know, I’m in love with fantasy toys. Ever since I was quite young, I’ve always masturbated over the thought of mythical creatures or read fantasy erotica. Now the toy I’m reviewing in question isn’t mythical, as we all know that horses exist, but horse dildos are quite unique and I had always wanted to get my hands on one because they’re just not something you see everyday. Now I want to make this point perfectly clear, I do not, nor have I ever, wanted to fuck a real horse. This is just purely fantasy and to be honest, I do find a horse’s anatomy quite intriguing, but more in a medical way, not a sexual way. Now we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get onto the review!

A Little About Primal Hardwere:

I just want to talk a little about Primal Hardwere as I feel they’re kinda similar to Bad Dragon in terms of customisation. What I mean by that, is Primal Hardwere offer a choice in their colours, which have amazing and funny names. Ones such as Chaffed Anus, Rosy Buttcheeks, Cartoon Pussy and Red Rocket (if you’ve seen that episode of South Park, you’ll know why I find that funny) made me chuckle the most. You can also request your own custom colour(s) and Primal Hardwere will try their best to make it for you! I also love their product descriptions, they make me laugh. You can choose how soft or firm your toy is for most of Primal Hardwere’s products, I think firm is the way to go as firm seems to be fairly squishy anyway. Strangely enough, Primal Hardwere don’t offer a size option for any of their products, something I think should be an option as a lot of their dildos are quite large. Maybe it’s something they’ll consider in the future?

Primal Hardwere are a really fun and enthusiastic company, my contact with them was nothing but polite and helpful. Plus LoneWolf has an adorable personality and made me giggle a few times from his cuteness! I can’t say that for many companies I’ve worked with so I’m impressed by his customer service. I was also surprised by how prompt my reply was when I emailed them.

First Impressions:

 I had really no idea what I wanted from Primal Hardwere. They don’t have a huge range of toys but everything just looked so unique and fun so I was being pretty indecisive, like I usually am. But then I saw the Neigh Sayer. When I was younger and I saw horse dildos on the net and in porn, I thought it was a little odd but then when I saw a few horse dildos in Primal Hardwere’s insertables, I started thinking it could be quite fun to own one. Now usually, horse dildos are fucking huge. So huge they’re bigger than your whole body and your lady parts just shrink in fear at the thought of riding your very own Bojack Horseman.

But the Neigh Sayer sounds actually manageable! Granted, the overall length is 10 inches, the most you can insert is 8.5 inches. But the girth doesn’t sound THAT bad, least not to me. Circumference of 6.25 inches in the shaft and 7.25 inches of flair/medial ring in circumference. Definitely smaller than most horse dildos, but still not for dildo beginners.

 Now for the part I have a love/hate relationship with. Choosing my custom colours. I didn’t really have an idea of what I wanted but one of my favourite colour combinations is purple and black. I went through a Goth phase as an early teenager and I still like certain things that a lot of people would consider a Gothic style, purple and black being one of those things. But what I got in the Neigh Sayer was definitely more than I expected, but in a good way! There’s marbles of light purple, dark purple, black and white. And I think if I look closer, there’s actually some slight shimmer, it looks like silver to me. The colours are so much more detailed than I thought they would be and I absolutely love it!

The Neigh Sayer features a urethral opening in the tip, a flared head and a medial ring a little more than halfway down the shaft. I kinda love the balls on the Neigh Sayer, they’re quite firm, rounded and a little bit raised. Although the shaft of the Neigh Sayer is too long for the balls to provide any external stimulation, which kinda sucks but oh well!

Neigh Sayer side view. Neigh Sayer facing upwards. Underneath the base.

I asked for the Neigh Sayer to be firm as Primal Hardwere had read my review on Bad Dragon’s Nox, and LoneWolf told me that their level of firmness is more or less the same so I should choose firm with their toys. So I did. I wasn’t surprised to find that the Neigh Sayer has some squish to it, while still being firm and pliable so don’t be worried about it being rock solid. The base of the Neigh Sayer is fucking huge. Now, this could be a blessing or a curse, I think it depends on how you use a dildo. Either the huge base could help you with thrusting, or it could just get in the way and make thrusting difficult for you. For me, it gets in the way. The Neigh Sayer is a fairly weighty toy from its size and thrusting with it can make my arm ache really quickly.

My Experience with the Neigh Sayer:

 I’m not sure if the Neigh Sayer is my biggest dildo in my toybox, but I think it very well could be. So I warmed up a lot to begin with, using dildos that varied in size and had an orgasm before I inserted the Neigh Sayer. But here’s where it got a little odd. I drenched the Neigh Sayer in A LOT of lube beforehand and I was quite relaxed after my orgasm, so I thought well I should be able to handle the Neigh Sayer with no problem at all now, right? Right?? Wrong.

I don’t know what it is, but I can barely insert the Neigh Sayer without it causing me some serious pain. The shaft I can handle with no problem at all once I’m pushing the head further into me. But the head makes everything feel so cramped down there. The flared head is so abrasive on either side of my vaginal walls and it’s like the head is trying to force its way inside me like a horny stallion at a filly. Only my vagina isn’t the size of a filly’s! Unfortunately.

I’ve tried everything I can think of before inserting the Neigh Sayer. Having more orgasms, using even MORE lube. But nothing. I’ve come to the conclusion that the Neigh Sayer just isn’t built for my anatomy. This isn’t to say I think it’s a shit dildo, because I don’t think that all. I know there’s been reports of the Neigh Sayer being an amazing dildo for a lot of people, and it was their first horse dildo. It just sucks how not every dildo can work for all us, but that’s just how it is with dildos and sex toys in general. It’s not a one size fits all kinda deal.

Verdict:

I am really upset and disappointed that the Neigh Sayer doesn’t work for me. I was so damn excited about owning my first horse dildo, and the fact that my custom colours just look so perfect and appeal to the Gothic side of me. But it wasn’t to be. I think that if the head were to be less firm, the Neigh Sayer could have been a winner so maybe next time I’ll think to get something in a medium firmness or just soft. Keep that in mind if you’re considering purchasing the Neigh Sayer, but you never know what will work for you until you try different things.

Where to Buy?

You can purchase the Neigh Sayer here.

  • Michelle Evans

    I hadn’t heard of this company before but now that I’ve found it I’m tempted by the ‘Big Bad Wolf’ 🙂

    • Brunette

      Ooh awesome! They are a really great company and care about their customers and also their bloggers. It’s rare to find that actually. I haven’t tried the Big Bad Wolf but it does look like a lot of fun 🙂